In honor of Ms. Erin Patton's 11th year on this planet, I am re-posting this from another place I used to blog (somewhere that rhymes with ByPlace) because said Ms. Erin modeled for me in the feature photo. She gave it that visual somethin-somethin every how-to article needs.
Happy birthday, girl!
Ladies…have you ever innocently walked down the street, only to be harassed by foul-mouthed boys wanting your love? Are you constantly fending off males who just can't grasp the concept that you're not interested? Sick of horrendously bad pick up lines, such as "If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning"? Dead tired of downplaying your beauty and awesome personality so the boys won't follow you home at night? Me too…but NO MORE!Designed to repel even the most determined males instantly, my Wormlips Technique is portable, user friendly, utterly disgusting, and highly effective. In fact it's so effective that I have used it successfully for many years, keeping the undesirables at bay easily and quickly! My innovative Technique has been tested thoroughly and under the strictest standards and auditing procedures, and now that I am convinced that the Wormlips Technique will CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER!
And now…for a LIMITED TIME only…I'm sharing this valuable Technique with you in the hopes that women everywhere can experience relief from constant unwanted attention.
Wormlips Technique: Explained
As seen in the photo, the Wormlips Technique causes the lower face to appear as if there are a couple of large, fat worms surrounding the mouth. (Modeling myWormlips Technique is my protégé genius Ms. Erin, aged 8. Her form is perfect, no?) Contorting the face like this makes the stomach of all XY chromosome-based human life forms to churn. Next, an involuntary grimace of disgust appears, followed by the avoidance of eye contact and quick abandonment of the goal to get you into bed. Hurray!
Wormlips Technique: Three Easy Steps!
- Fold your lower lip down, exposing the worm-flesh colored skin and covering up your lower lip. If you can't keep your lip folded over, you will need to practice this. Keep at it! However, if you're one of the unfortunates with a mouth that "just isn't built that way" then you are destined to be harassed by depraved men who blatantly undress you with their eyes. Sorry. Everyone else, on to Step 2!
- Stick your flattened tongue out halfway, folding it up to cover up your upper lip. Viola! The Wormlips Technique in its full glory!
- Engage in the Technique and reclaim your right to be a beautiful, self-fulfilled woman without risk of attracting that loser who just won't take "no" for an answer.
See how easy it is? Don't let another minute go by… reclaim your life and ACT NOW!
Monetary donations are accepted.
Let's go steady!
