Brilliance makes me sleepy

Yesterday it was rumored I'd been p0rnnapped:



I've unintentionally caused my friends @melissalion and @jarvitron to worry about me (secretly I am veryvery pleased) but the truth is, I was asleep.

ASLEEP. Not soundly, not deeply, but asleep nonetheless by 7pm last night. That's earlier than most really old people, and I'm only on the cusp of old. I have an excuse: I was exhausted by possibilities and a good, old-fashioned "Ah HA!" moment.

I had had a good, productive work day yesterday. I ate lunch and laughed. I drove home daydreaming, as I do, about all the things I want to do that night. Last night in particular I was hot with ideas to share in my class Social Media in Real Life.

I've been in online education a long time, and it's taught a couple of things about what people like when in a classroom setting. All that aside, I know what *I* like, and that's handouts. Yes, in this "paperless society" I want something to take away with me after the bell rings even if I take notes (and of course you know I take notes). Call it a security blanket, but teachers who have even one physical piece of paper to share with their students are gods to me.

So as I drive home, my thoughts are swirling around what kind of information I would provide in my class handouts. And then I came up with an idea, in the spirit of the class description of "free (or nearly free) online tools" on how to provide a one page, double-sided handout that would never go obsolete. Ever. BRILLIANCE, if I do say so myself.

You'll need to attend the class, which I'm co-teaching with Random House novelist @melissalion, to fully bask in the glow of said brilliance though. (That's the same @melissalion who was worried about me along with the ever funny, ever potty-mouthed @jarvitron.)

But the time I got home I couldn't keep my eyes open. I noticed the dog and cat needed to be fed. I saw my teenaged son behind his computer, pantomiming the act of eating soup. I scoffed. Loudly. Deliriously.

I went to bed. I awoke at 5am to find that my palms would have been itching had I been awake last night at the ungodly hour of Before Prime Time.

Have to say, it's nice to know friends are paying enough attention to imagine that my video shoot of an exam review seminar, and deciding to wear sexy panties for a little soul boost, would lead to my unfortunate p0rnnapping. Although, for the record, there may or may not be something like that already making the "my ex-girlfriend is hot" sites.

If you see it, let me know. In the meantime, sign up for my class!

Let's go steady!

What else is there?

For a few weeks now I've been waking up in a heart-racing panic, wrapped in a sweaty chill. This happens after about 6 hours of teeth grinding and vivid B-movie dreams in saturated 1970s Technicolor and Smell-O-Vision. (I am cursed/blessed with a very active imagination.)

While I sleep, my brain (just like everyone's brains) works on into the night figuring stuff out. It's all that connecting-the-dotting our awake brain doesn't have time to sort out during precious consciousness. It's an attempt to work out all that crap that you "know" but don't know yet. You know? How to survive life with your wits (and sense of humor) still intact.

These things that freak me out range from big OMG! OMG! things to (itty bitty little) things. I see these same things happening to my friends and family, clients and comrades, weighing like rocks in their pockets. The tumultuous economy and pinching pennies, the routine of family life, our personal and professional responsibilities, desire and yearning and ambition, the loves lost and loves wanted, the past mistakes and future wishes. And there's always guilt, too. That is what the soiled trench coat of life is made out of, with its many pockets of many rocks of stuff that weigh us down.

These things aren't altogether bad, however. It's life, and these rocks are part of it. They keep us grounded. They distract us from things that pull our focus away from what we should be doing as productive members of the community, as a business, as someone's partner. They give us boundaries and rules of engagement.

They also lock us into situations, and dictate how we spend the hours we're not pseudo sleeping and acerbating the veneers of our molars. They dash dreams and let the air out of ambition. They tell us "No. You can't, because __________."

That's where I am right now, staring at that fill-in-the-blank. At the really, really good and solid list of reasons why I can't, why I should ditch my heart's desires and secret stealth projects, and concentrate on getting through the roughness of those rocks against my tender skin. Impressively daunting is what it is. The not sleeping, the process of metabolizing the adrenaline of freaking out, and the dirty guilt coat I'm wearing, all of it makes a girl super tired. You know? It's just easier to let things be, and strive for "meh" instead of "whoo-hoo!".

But even though I have these very heavy rocks in my pockets, I still have hope in my veins that I can be and do and have what I want. That I really can dream big and not be devastated because of __________. That someday soon I won't wake up with aching jaws and balmy in places that should not be balmy, tangled in my sheets and head.

In the meantime: I give, I live, I aspire. I work my ass off. I trust that I'll be okay, and that my projects and efforts and words are not wasted. That they are meaningful stepping stones for the believers of such grandiose ideology of personal fulfillment, pointing me in the direction I'm supposed to be going.

After all, what else is there but faith in following your bliss?

Let's go steady!

Putting myself out there (literally)

Sweet, tasty news!

Firstly, I've taken on the responsibilities of Portland Chapter Provost for the wildly successful Beer and Blog. This position is akin to the one Julie had on the Love Boat, only with no boat or Capt'n Stubing, but plus beer and Justin Kistner. Okay, yes it's much more than that. I write on the blog, generate ideas, support the team. You know what? I've just decided that I need a clipboard. Yep. And also just decided that someone should buy me a beer at the next Beer and Blog. It's just curteous, for the Love of Pete. And also, that we should make it a tradition. Whee, this job is FUN!

Next, I need to confirm a rumor I've heard is a-flying: It's true, I will be the month of July in the Naked for a Cause 2010 charity calendar, which is now available for pre-order on their Web site. The calendars are expected in the flesh late next month. (Oh, yes. I went there.) My image was taken by film whisperer Aaron Hockley. So, go get one and help P:EAR, the PCC Multimedia Club and Free Geek, this year's funding recipients. (By the way, my fragile ego wouldn't mind at all if you asked for an autograph. Just putting that out there.)

Finally, and this is a big one for me folks, next month I'll be co-teaching a class with Melissa Lion. She'll handle the part on writing narrative for blogs, and I'll be yammering on about social media tools and blog promotion and the like, until I'm told my time is up and can I please shut the hell up now? I'm a bit nervous about this. Will I be able to shut up? (Note to self: practice shutting up.)

I hope to see more faces at the Beer and Blog, a great surge in sales of the nudie, er, tasteful simulated nudity calendar, and butts in the seats of my class next month.

Come on! I'm putting myself out there, after all.

Let's go steady!

The Great Portland Interview Experiment: Crystal Beasley

Weeks ago I excitedly signed on to participate in the Great Portland Interview Experiment, a meme from Portland, Oregon Web designer and all around geek Chris O'Rourke. The idea is to "discover untapped nuggets" about another person by asking them some questions. In return, you answer some questions.

And boy-oh-boy was I please to discover I would be crafting my questions for the Skinny White Girl herself: Ms. Crystal Beasley.

I've known Crystal for a few months, and it didn't take her long to get on the short-list of people who get my signature "kindred spirits" hug. (If you've gotten one...you'll know it.) She's good people, period.

I hope you enjoy reading her answers to the questions I so enjoyed asking!

The Great Portland Interview Experiment: Crystal Beasley

As a very tall girl, I know something about the challenges of being different than the "average" size. How has being a very small girl shaped your life?

I think it may be more socially acceptable to be extra short than extra tall as a girl, though no one ever wanted me to walk a runway or be on the basketball team. Aside from being able to stand up under the bulkheads in a plane, I always need pants tailored. I can live with that. I was expressing my desire to date men between 5'10" and 6'3" to my tall girlfriend and she asked, "how tall are you?!?" I can't see what that has to do with anything.

I noticed in the fucking unbelievably cute Dear Santa letter you wrote as a little girl (http://twitpic.com/s74g) you have a post script. Does it say "P.S. I hope you don't mind me keeping rats"? Details, please!

It says, "I hope you don't mind me saying 'rats'." I guess I've always had a potty mouth.

You have a kitty named Ruckus. What is up with his love of eating earwax? Under what circumstances (I confess I can't wait to hear this story) did this fact become discovered?

Firstly, Ruckus is a girl, a.k.a. "The RuckStar." She is a strange one. Not sure what accounts for her love of earwax, but I discovered her licking my earbuds on more than one occasion. I have to keep them hidden from her. ICK!

What are three tech gadgets you can't live without?

iphone, iphone, iphone - I demoed it to my Granny over Christmas and her comment was, "That phone can do everything but spit tobacco."

I know you're fond of southern-inspired meals, the stuff you grew up on. What's your favorite dish? Why?

My favorite meal is my Granny's chicken and dumplings, creamed corn, baked sweet potatoes, and banana cream pie for dessert. I can't remember *not* knowing how to cook. There's a picture of me with the first cake I baked where I colored half of the frosting pink and the other half purple and made a giant swirl on top. I was five.

Like me, you have a thing for shoes. Shoes, shoes, shoes! How many do you have, what's your current favorite, and *gasp!* do you ever get rid of them?

I haven't ever counted how many pairs I have. To give you a sense, though, I have six pairs of brown boots alone (camel knee high, brown mid-calf with strappy buckles, chocolate knee high, suede booties, hiking, and ridiculous pointy toe, snake skin, mid-calf). Asking me for my favorite is like asking which child is your favorite, but... I do have a soft spot in my heart for some absinthe-green satin peep-toe pumps with a bow on the toe. I went salsa dancing in them and thought I would die of pain, but it was worth it.

Tell us a bit about your relationship with your beloved Granny.

My Granny raised me, so I owe so very much to her. As I mentioned about about cooking, she taught me the fundamentals and gave me a love of good food. I believe there's something so basically human about feeding someone. A good meal, cooked with love, can cure both body and soul. She certainly prepared thousands of meals from scratch for me as a child and gave me a wonderful, stable home to grow up in.

You work at StepChange Group as Creative Marketing Manager. What kinds of projects have you been working on?

It's been a whirlwind since I started in October. We've had some brand new, big clients come in December like Toys-R-Us, Intercontinental Hotels, and Frito Lay. I also took on some existing clients like Gold's Gym. I've been wearing a lot of hats, as one does in a small company. I'm doing wireframing and design of widgets, blog posts, community management for SCG, and a bit of web production coding. I actually use Terminal and have Ruby running on my machine. Scary stuff!

I also started my first *first* first personal blog about (of course) cooking. It's called SkinnyCook and is available at skinnywhitegirl.com/skinnycook The world already has 17.7 million cooking blogs, but mine is focused on weeknight, super fast meals with a Portland spin. Most will take between 10 and 20 minutes.

I subscribe to Organics to You's box of lovely veggies, so if you're here in Portland and also subscribe, we'll have the same stuff in our fridges to work with. I give tips about where in town you can get any weird ingredients I might mention. Most recipes will have a minimum number of ingredients minimize fuss.

You're at the Beer and Blog. What's your drink-of-choice?

I'm a gin and tonic girl, Aviation please. Sometimes I'm reckless and venture out to Bombay Sapphire or Tanqueray.

Which social media tool do you use that has had the most impact on your professional life?

Far and away, Twitter is it. I'm such an addict. It's how if find out about all the best events, meet new folks, and keep up with tweeps I've already met. I start to wax philosophical whenever I try to explain it to someone who isn't familiar with it or who "doesn't get it." The brilliance of it is something that dawns on you little by little.

Let's go steady!