How to write better and faster (and why the library makes me sexy)

Image by margolove via Flickr

I like to go to the free writing classes the Multnomah County Library offers to the general public. They have a huge number of interesting programs and events to go to: classes and workshops on a wide range of topics, special interest clubs, exhibits, storytelling times -- and all of it is conveniently listed online on the library's Event Finder page.

I'm a big library fan (duh) and therefore-hereto-consequently am freaking excited to report that @melissalion and I will be teaching our Social Media in Real Life class on May 8th. This is really great news for the mediaChick brand. Teaching at the library is super sexy, and I'm all about promoting the idea that smart = sexy.

So, I've attended a few writing classes at the library, and although most of the classes are geared toward the beginning writer I find they're invaluable for gaining perspective on the art of getting my damned words out in some sort of sensible, cohesive form. It takes work to make words look this good. In fact, I find it can be really, really hard. (Which of course means it's worth doing.)

Recently I attended a class called Speed Depth in Fiction Writing, taught by local author Laura Whitcomb. Laura talked through some techniques she uses to write third draft stuff the first time around in her "how to" book Novel Shortcuts.

So at yesterday's class I listened to what Laura had to say about her experiences as a full-time writer and the things that help her write faster, better. Although I didn't learn anything new, I did get a cheat-sheet of sorts on how to quickly crank out a story's blueprint. I think I'll find that most helpful because I'm a hardcore list-maker and need structure for my muse to be happy.

Here is an overview of the most goodest advice, with my "buck-fifty" comments thrown in. (I think we all know that I have comments to throw in.):

Create a soundtrack for your story
Search for songs that emulate your story, its climax moments, its characters. Play them when you write, starting with the one tune that really nails the overall feeling of your story. Your story's title track. End your soundtrack with the scene that best conveys your ending scene. Everything in between is up to you, but should include music from the time period of your story, music culturally relevant, etc.

Movie soundtracks are the best place to look for music that has an emotional charge, but without lyrics. Music without lyrics is optimal for writing for most people. Then you have people like me: fiercely attracted to music that first sucker punches me with a delicious melody and then finishes me off with lyrics that blow my mind. Consequently, my story soundtracks often contain all songs with lyrics -- distractions be damned.

Let the Masters guide you
When your best efforts to write a scene in your story the way you want it isn't happening, when you're struggling to make a decision about solving a tricky plot problem, try to remember how another, more experienced writer has pulled it off. For Pete's sake, don't rip off the Masters, only emulate the Masters. They know more than you and you'd be a better writer if you paid attention to how they go about solving the problems of their characters in their stories.

Random thoughts are not random
Laura calls this sensation your "sensory ghosts" and I call them "Ah-ha! moments" but they both boil down to the same thing: your subconscious is connecting the dots for you. The next time you're working away on something and suddenly you're reminded of a totally random phrase in a book, or a poem, or a person from your past, ask yourself "why." You'll find your brain has been working hard, along side you, and has found something new to consider in your writing. Perhaps the beat of the poem will make that clumsy intro paragraph finally work, or a quote from somebody else's character will inspire you to write a better plot line. When this happens to you, this "out of the blue" idea, you should probably shut up and listen to it.

If it stinks, cut it down at the knees
This is something I have found to be most useful in my quest to eradicate my tendency to be too wordy when I just can't get a scene to come together the way I want it to. Here's how you do it: Starting from the bottom of your page, read backwards through your disappointing sentences until you find one that you think is actually pretty effing good. Hack everything that follows it. All of the stinky, not awesome sentences. Ah...feels good, doesn't it?

Perfect your story's Big Moment
In every great story there must be critical passages that the reader's mind will drift to when thinking about it. That's what makes it a great story. There should be, however, one defining passage -- one moment that encapsulates the very essence of your story's awesomeness. That trait, what Laura calls a "cross hairs" moment, is in every single great story in the history of great stories. Make sure your story has one, and that it rocks.

Take the shortcut to the scene
This is a great way for writers who want to cut through the hemming and hawing prevalent in the early stage of creation, all that namby-pamby emotional back story crap that bogs me down because I'm INFJ and only sharing my writing with the public due to my fear of mortality. I require structure to create, and deadlines, because the creative process isn't a natural process. It doesn't just ooze out of me and I can't turn on and off the floodgates. The writer, the artist, the sculptor, the turn-table king -- we're all creative people who need to induce the muse to come out and play.

Here's one way for writers to quickly plot out a story's scenes (one page per scene):

1. Start with a short description of what should happen in the scene. Use regular type font.
2. Write a few lines of dialogue that supports what's happening in the scene. Use bold font.
3. Write for ten minutes, as fast as you can. Faster than your speeding, nay-saying inner critic. Use italic font. Next, go back through and bold 10 or so phrases you really like. You probably recognize this writing method (which you probably learned in high school) as free writing or stream-of-consciousness writing. Laura calls it a "heartstorm" which is cute, but I don't always write from my heart. I shall call it free writing, with the unspoken understanding that the sub-types are "heart," "brain" and "sex organs."
   
4. Print out your one-page outline, the bones of your scene, and keep it within eyesight while you write your third draft of it the first time out, the flesh of your scene.
   

Positive thought: not just for New Agers
Visualize whirled peas aside, the power of positive thinking cannot be denied. A good attitude and hopeful optimism is critical to your success and the health of your writer's ego. Since that statement is coming from a natural pessimist, I encourage you to give some weight to the idea that it can help your writing career and your writing. Here are some tips and tricks to get yourself in the right frame of mind for your undoubtedly pending fame and fortune:

• Write the copy for the jacket of your future book, your bio for the online column you want to pen, or the accolades from your wordsmith heroes tooting the talent horn.
• Go get your author photo taken and introduce yourself as a writer (even if you feel you aren't one. Yet.)
  
• Visualize breaking through barriers or walls. Literally. Write words on the walls or hang things on it that represent your barriers (people, places, things) and then use your hands, a sledgehammer, a cannon, whatever your little heart desires, to bust it down.
  
• Fantasize about your impending fame and fortune. I recommend you do this right before falling asleep or within 5 minutes of waking, because those are the times of day your sub-conscious mind is still more in charge than the conscious mind. As the conscious mind likes to remind you that, no, you are not a wildly successful and sought-after writer on permanent working vacation in the tropical isles, you'll want to focus your fantasy life to when your mind is more receptive.

Well, there you are. I hope you found this informative, and not a re-hashing of things you already knew about the craft of getting your words right. Or, if it is, that I was at least entertaining enough for you. I'll be trying out Laura's "shortcuts to the scene" tips, a good story plotter for my list-loving brain, and continuing with the other things mentioned here I'm already doing.

To my writer readers: any other tips to share on writing better, faster? Any of these ideas new to you, or something you might try? Drop me a comment or contact. I'd love to know! Meow!

Let's go steady!

Not scared? Then you're doing it wrong

"If it isn't frightening, it's not worth doing."

I was ruminating with Ed Borasky (@znmeb) about that old adage yesterday at Beer and Blog. We sat at the bar together, I drank the lovely dark stout @pdxflaneur bought me, Ed ate his aromatic clam chowder, and we discussed how the things we choose to do in life, the things that influence pivotal changes and pregnant possibilities, are often the scariest experiences in life.

Ed is a superincrediblytalented math guy who specializes in open source performance testing software. He likes to optimize things for efficiency and discuss the future of semantic Web, and his real first name is Maurice. (He's also available for hire, so if you're looking for a superincrediblytalented math guy you should go check him out).

Talking to Ed makes me feel smart-ish, because I can work in smart-ish phrases when I talk to him: "Profiling Ruby is soooo 21st Century" and "Done with that paper on algorithmic composition and synthesis of music yet?" for instance.

Quite honestly I'm not sure what he's getting out of our chats, but he's very nice to indulge me when the topic is the art of being human.

The byword If it isn't frightening, it's not worth doing is similar to other, familiar Life in a Nutshell versions I live by. That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger and If it's hard it must be good for you are themes I know well, as a writer and a human. I weave them into my stories, and I live and breathe them. I'm betting you do, too.

And I try to do scary things, every single day. I stretch my personal boundaries and talk to strangers, acting like that's no big deal. I blindly trust in my capabilities and capacity for being the best, most awesome me I can be. I am also working on the biggest, most personal media project of my life. The kind that solicits reactions from friends and strangers praising my bravery and questioning my sanity.

It's not bravery. It may be insanity. But always It is frightening, and therefore worth doing.

No matter how loud my instinctive personality kicks and screams, of course preferring I NOT do these frightening things, I still do it. My instinct tells me it's necessary to plunder through. Even though I am not a risk-taker by any means. Even if I am not a fan of surprises, and need mental preparation for spontaneous acts of "winging it" (which isn't really winging it, FINE). I do it anyway.

But still, I want to live a life of rewarding personal fulfillment, not have life be what happens when I'm busy doing other stuff.

What kind of "life" is that?

If you're not taking chances once in a while -- really going for it, scaring yourself with the fierce desire to follow through -- then you're doing it wrong. Life deserves better from you.

Go, start, now. You'll be so glad you did. I know I am already, no matter what happens.

Let's go steady!

A Vibrator Story (like A Christmas Story, only completely different)

Image by Cranky Media Guy via Flickr

Now that my mother and little sister have traveled home from their very short visit to Portland, Oregon, and I have had a chance to reflect on the events that transpired, I am ready to tell the Vibrator Story.

After I finish the rest of this beer. Hold please.

Ah, yes. Let's get on with it:

I swear my mom and sis were in my house less than 10 minutes before (what shall henceforth be known as) The Great Dildo Reveal. I was giving my pregnant sister and cane-wielding elderly mother a tour of my home, catching them up to what I'd improved on since they were here last. So, while my teenage son brought in the luggage, they tottered around the place. It had been a few years since they'd seen my home, certainly before either one of them began tottering.

We made it to my recently painted bedroom and were admiring my skillz when I noticed my doggy @littlegyrl (YES she has a Twitter profile. DO NOT JUDGE ME.) had made herself a nice little napping nest on my bed. She takes great car in doing this, breaking into my room and making herself at home between my sheets, arranging the pillows and comforter just so. She's prolly getting even with me for avoid eye contact with her at bedtime, as neither I nor my son will let her sleep with us because she sheds more than the cat. (Also, she snores but will never admit to it.)

Now here comes the Comedy of Errors part: First, I said something to my mom about the dog getting inside my bed and leaving her mess. Mom is standing on one side of the bed, and I am on the other. She says something about how the dog is an Angel Baby and the Best Dog Ever and she just misses me is all, and can't I understand that? My sister, who is at the end of the bed, watches the exchange wryly. My mom pulls back my comforter to shake out the dog fur, and at this exact moment the teenage boy appears in the doorway.

Suddenly my mom says "Oh" in such a way that makes everyone turn and look at her. She is looking at my bed. We then, collectively, all look at what she's looking at: my vibrator laying on my fur-covered bed sheet.

(Well, duh. Where else would it be? Seriously.)

I say "MOM!" and steal a quick look at my teenage son, hoping to see a look shock so I can make a smarty-pants comment about women having needs, but he's not even blinking hard. Darn. My sister says "Uh, you can put the blanket down now." She does, finally, after a few very long seconds. My son rolls his eyes and walks out, audibly sighing.

Sigh, indeed.

And there you are, The Great Dildo Reveal. I don't know what lesson I'm supposed to learn here, as I have no inclination to boot my battery operated bed mate from the left side of the bed. Why should I?

But I'll tell you this: it was funny as hell, and a fairly perfect way to start a weekend off with visiting relatives.

Let's go steady!

Prelude to a vibrator story (a shiny Twitter distraction)

My mom and sister are in town visiting this weekend. They arrived on the Greyhound bus from small-town living in Eastern Oregon, loaded down with my niece fetus, sleep apnea machinery and Ikea dreams.

Within an hour of lugging their luggage into my home, my mother inadvertent unveiled my vibrator to everyone in the house. Including my horrified teenage son.

Oh, yes.

I'll write more on my weekend with visiting family, soon. In the meantime, please enjoy this video that you all should have watched by now: Old Man Stewart Shakes His Fist At Twitter

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Twitter Frenzy
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to this blog so when that dildo post goes up you'll be sure to see it. (Because apparently having my teenage son, my mom and my sister check out my sex toy isn't embarrassing enough.)

Let's go steady!