The Miracle in July: I'm just getting started

Tomorrow will be the third week since I unleashed The Miracle in July into the wild, and the overwhelmingly positive response continues to thrill me. Tweets, emails and personal conversations with readers about my project have brought fantastic feedback about things to try in the future and what isn't working just yet. The "brutally honest, compelling" writing is a hit, the embedded media elements are dead-on, and my lofty, ambitious balls are basking in accolades. The launch of my storytelling project was good, really good, and I've only just begun.

There are also a lot of questions about what the hell it is. What IS The Miracle in July?

At the moment I'm calling it a semi-autobiographical venture in destiny manifestation. I hesitate to call it a fictionalized memoir because that phrase pricks the eyeballs of many in the publishing industry, and also because it's mostly true. I have many thoughts about a blanket refusal to accept all genre-bending works as equal and acceptable. I mean, if Publisher's Weekly is touting Jane Austin Monster Mashup novels (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters) then who the fuck dare tell me there is no such thing as a true life story set in the future? #seriously

The Miracle in July is my experiment in reverse-engineered publishing. The online publication is only the first step in seeing my story on the shelf at Powell's Books one day. I'm using blogging software to tell this story and as much online user-generated content and social media tools as possible. Not having to spend copious amounts of money on advertising or development is what makes publishing the story online first so attractive. Add to that the instant feedback from readers and the chance to build a frenzied fan club, and I've got myself a win-win situation.

I also found myself an Intern, one who really understands the vision of my ambitious project. @MeaganKate is gorgeous and sassy and super smart, and loves me and the story. She's also a really great writer. We've begin scheming, and this tweet pretty much sums up our plan. Meagan will be helping me get the word out about The Miracle in July. By this I mean she'll help me "pimp it real good" using both traditional and new media methods, and figure out new ways to share what I'm up to. I need readers to read it and authors who want to try my experiment in reverse-engineered publishing, too. We're also looking for a forward-thinking publisher who wants to help redefine how books are promoted and created. Meagan is damned qualified to do this and I'm lucky to have her.

If you'd like to help me get the word out, I invite you to go to The Miracle in July and click on the following image (they're at the bottom of eacg page and segment) and share or save it to your favorite bookmarking and social networks. There is also a hashtag to use on Twitter, if you want: #themiracle. For those of you who have done that for me already, I can't tell you how much it means to me. Wait! Yes I can! THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME! THANK YOU!

The Miracle in July has a solid, juicy structure thanks to my wonderful plot editor @jcrotham, a guy I've known since we were kids. JC is overly educated in old dead guy literature and angsty screenplay writing exploring existentialism. He's been writing stories and agonizing over details and plot arcs for as long as I've known him. Perfect! He keeps me on track and my feathers smoothed. Let me tell you: that's not easy. This story is already kicking my ass, and with 30-40 more segments (and weeks) to go, really his job is to keep my ass looking good.

In addition to cranking out one new segment a week, on Monday mornings, I'll soon have a Members Section for tasty Easter egg linkies and other goodies, a social media press page for "copy this code" badges, blog widgets and links to published articles about The Miracle in July. And yes, soon you'll be able to pre-order the gorgeously designed eBook version of Act One. It'll be missing it's interactive media, of course, but the writing is designed to stand alone and you won't be too sad that it's not there. (My Wish to the Universe: hurry up and make an affordable eReader with clickable hyperlinks. There's a huge market for it!)

Want to know more about The Miracle in July? Contact me. Please. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy reading my life story and watching me follow my bliss.

Meow!

Let's go steady!

Happy birthday to me (and my type-ity type type) on #july6

Lately, certain things in my life have been left to their own devices or forgotten outright. Such things include regular household cleaning, renewing the license tags on my car, and tending to my garden. My teenager also complains of being left alone too much, forgotten. While he's been touting his alleged neglect for years now like a badge of honor, he enjoys near-constant computing and delicious, homemade I-feel-guilty meals. However, he's probably right on some level. (Just to be clear: not anywhere near the "legal definition of neglect" level.)

All this letting things go by the wayside is because of the type-ity type type.

You may have noticed I tweet a lot about getting ready to, being in the midst of, or just finishing up some type-ity type type. I've been working a lot, for months and months, on something very special. It is hugely ambitious, deeply personal, and requires much balls out soul searching. And a lot of type-ity type type. This leads to laxity in keeping attention on anything else.

For instance, my poor garden. Those tiny spaces in my yard that yield fragrant flowers, alien veggies and mindful clarity has not been touched in months. After planting some onions, peas, and two kinds of lettuce I kind of just...stopped spending time there. And I've missed it. I truly heart my garden and its permission to experiment with nature. Sinking my hands into the soil has always brought my brain to task, triggering in me a state of deeply focused thinking. But lately I've been busy, insanely busy, with the type-ity type type.

Yesterday I finally got the chance to work in my sunny garden for a few hours. The weather was perfect for it, I had the time to get dirty, and I needed an inner dialogue with the voice of experience that comes when I physically connect to the Earth. When I was done kneeling on the ground, pulling weeds and pushing plants into dirt, I had some things figured out, a sense of calm, and 24 mature, rouge, sweet cherry tomato plants. Offspring from last year's crop.



I guess this means my garden was neither neglected nor forgotten, hm?

Today, while I re-potted those 24 tomato plants, my mind entertained the idea that if this special, deeply personal secret project of mine and its intense, intensive hours of type-ity type type didn't kill my garden or starve my teenager or get me a ticket (special thank you to the Portland cop who gave me a warning and waved me along) then maybe. Just maybe. It won't ruin me, either. Maybe it's not only a good idea to move forward with my plans, but a great one. One that could bring great things.

We'll see next Monday, the morning of #july6. That's when I'm setting my project adrift for all the world to see, to ultimately embrace or reject. I hope my hard work, this endless type-ity type type, will all make sense once the journey begins, and I hope the message of it is not lost in the translation, and that the risk and effort I'm making is at the very least respected.

And that night I'm celebrating my birthday at the Leisure Public House (in St. Johns, of course) and will be giving away these rouge sweet cherry tomato plants that grow, with or without me. I hope there's some hardy specialness in them for whomever wants them, and that you join me and in a drink or two.

Won't be the same without you there, telling me how sexy my gynormous balls are on #july6.

RSVP on upcoming.org

Let's go steady!

How to get rid of boys FAST!

In honor of Ms. Erin Patton's 11th year on this planet, I am re-posting this from another place I used to blog (somewhere that rhymes with ByPlace) because said Ms. Erin modeled for me in the feature photo. She gave it that visual somethin-somethin every how-to article needs.

Happy birthday, girl!

Ladies…have you ever innocently walked down the street, only to be harassed by foul-mouthed boys wanting your love? Are you constantly fending off males who just can't grasp the concept that you're not interested? Sick of horrendously bad pick up lines, such as "If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning"? Dead tired of downplaying your beauty and awesome personality so the boys won't follow you home at night? Me too…but NO MORE!

Designed to repel even the most determined males instantly, my Wormlips Technique is portable, user friendly, utterly disgusting, and highly effective. In fact it's so effective that I have used it successfully for many years, keeping the undesirables at bay easily and quickly! My innovative Technique has been tested thoroughly and under the strictest standards and auditing procedures, and now that I am convinced that the Wormlips Technique will CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER!

And now…for a LIMITED TIME only…I'm sharing this valuable Technique with you in the hopes that women everywhere can experience relief from constant unwanted attention.

Wormlips Technique: Explained
As seen in the photo, the Wormlips Technique causes the lower face to appear as if there are a couple of large, fat worms surrounding the mouth. (Modeling my Wormlips Technique is my protégé genius Ms. Erin, aged 8. Her form is perfect, no?) Contorting the face like this makes the stomach of all XY chromosome-based human life forms to churn. Next, an involuntary grimace of disgust appears, followed by the avoidance of eye contact and quick abandonment of the goal to get you into bed. Hurray!

Wormlips Technique: Three Easy Steps!

1. Fold your lower lip down, exposing the worm-flesh colored skin and covering up your lower lip. If you can't keep your lip folded over, you will need to practice this. Keep at it! However, if you're one of the unfortunates with a mouth that "just isn't built that way" then you are destined to be harassed by depraved men who blatantly undress you with their eyes. Sorry. Everyone else, on to Step 2!
2. Stick your flattened tongue out halfway, folding it up to cover up your upper lip. Viola! The Wormlips Technique in its full glory!
3. Engage in the Technique and reclaim your right to be a beautiful, self-fulfilled woman without risk of attracting that loser who just won't take "no" for an answer.

See how easy it is? Don't let another minute go by… reclaim your life and ACT NOW!

Monetary donations are accepted.

Let's go steady!

Social media learning: for business AND pleasure

Last week, Kevin Jones of Engaged Learning invited me to participate in his Working/Learning Carnival. This is where a bunch of people write blog posts with a theme and the host of the Carnival, that would be Mr. Jones, gathers up the post links and lists them all in a post on the host's blog.

I met Kevin last year at an eLearning convention in San Jose. It was on this trip that I took those awesomesauce* photos of the Leonardo exhibit at the Tech. Remember? Go read My First (Dead Man) Crush for the whole, geeky story. I was at this convention courtesy of what most people would consider my "real" job. I have a full time job with benefits and a 401(k) that pays me to produce multimedia education elements and concern myself with maintaining the company's online reputation. I know I'm lucky to have this job, and I work very hard planning and producing, 40 hours a week.

Kevin's presentation at the convention was about overcoming the objections to using social media in learning environments. It impressed me. More important than impressing me was that Kevin is from Portland, Oregon. That day he pretty much guaranteed himself a spot in my Twitter stream. In case you aren't aware of the inner-workings of the mind of mediaChick (which is an experience in and of itself and not a recommended activity within one hour of eating) being from Portland is always going to get you my Gold Star of Awesomeness (GSA). Especially when mediaChick is far from home in a land of strangers and weirdly shaped trees with pointy bark and gynormous** green fans shooting out of the top of them.

Editorial note: Please don't move here solely for the purpose of getting a GSA unless you already have a job lined up. You'll be inflating our unemployment numbers and that just ain't Gold Star of Awesome.

I spend a fair amount of time keeping up with the constant influx of new technologies, theories and trends that affect my job. This means I get to spend time learning for work and go to conventions in places with strange foliage, and this is a beautiful thing. I love to learn! If information was a tangible thing, I would figure out a way to wear it, eat it and breath it. At the same time. Learning for work is a perk for me, and provides me with another bonus: the opportunity to learn things that also help me as a social media consultant.

Yes, in addition to writing and producing eLearning media, I am a social media consultant in my (I have no) spare time. It has become an eye-roller lately, this moniker "social media consultant." It joins "expert" and "guru" as labels that once meant a lot, if applied legitimately, but with overuse has become diluted. Look at what's happened to the word "innovative." So much is "innovative" now. This is the age of mashups, for a reason. You dig? And while some wonderful things are admittedly Super-Cool (read: mp3 players, GPS, the Googles) they're only Super-Cool, not "innovative." Innovative is the electric switch, the automobile and the silicon wafer. But does that discredit the Super-Coolness of the mp3 player technology? Nope.

I'm fine with being merely Super-Cool as a social media consultant, and not a guru or expert. I don't consult to be known as one. I'm happy enough reveling in the real power behind consulting and teaching the what and the how of using social media: all the learning that it requires. That spells A-W-S-O-M-E-S-A-U-C-E, yo. With a capital A.

Being a consultant is about sharing information, listening and advising. My job is to teach people what social media is and why they might care to know more about it. And if they want me to, I give them a plan on how to use social media tools to their benefit. Yes, I also execute brand strategy and build reputation dashboard monitors and all that other buzzword stuff...but the more I consult and listen and share my social media knowledge, the more I realize that my expertise (and all the real fun) is in the counseling.

I enjoy figuring out where a person or business is in their social media life, where they want to be, and helping them figure out how to get there. And in the process of learning and researching things that might help this person or that business, I am provided the bonus opportunity of learning things that also help me in my "real" job.

Social media isn't innovative. It's not hard to figure out, or implement. There is certainly no lack of information available online and off, written by amazing people with blogs waaaay more popular than mine. (Go read Connie Bensen, Maki and Dawn Foster's words.) These are smart, professional people who teach and listen and advise, for money. Like I do. There are a lot of social media consultants in the world today, but I don't see them as my competition. There's plenty of learning and teaching to go around. And as long as my job (or jobs, I should say) involve the opportunity to learn, I am satisfied.

I know there's nothing more Super-Cool than empowering another person with information that has empowered you.

I will link to Kevin's Working/Learning Carnival post when it is up. In the meantime, I wanna hear it: what are your thoughts on working and learning?

awesomesauce* For the record, I first heard this little ditty in a tweet from either @caseorganic or @corvida. Regardless of the source and the fact that everyone else on this planet has been "awesomesaucing" themselves silly without me all this time, they're both awesomesauce and you should be following them on Twitter.

gynormous** For the record, I came up with this little ditty. I think. And also for the record, the best part about it is the "gyn". Because secretly I am a 12 year old boy.

Let's go steady!

Perception is personal (and consequently, not negotiable)

Image via Wikipedia

The last few days are pockmarked with examples proving without a doubt that perception is personal. Some of them affecting me personally, some not. All jarring, nonetheless.

Time and again a perception disconnect has played out. Involving situations of multiple points of views of such stark contrast, delivered with such absolute conviction, it tugs at my belief the Universe wants to make damned sure I've learned this lesson: individual opinion is personal, based on the whole of a life time of experiences and current thinking processes.

I am greatly influenced by and quite aware of this disconnect. This is that place in conversations and relationships where differing strongly-held opinions are so utterly contrasting that both parties are left scratching their heads in wonder. Questions like How could anyone possibly look at the evidence and see it any other way? and Who in their right minds, after all that has been said and done, could believe otherwise? populate thoughts.

I find exploring the answer to these questions powerful writing fodder. But that's prose, what I make up. In real life, I find disconnected perceptions a terrible burden. They make my heart race and my hackles raise. Realizing I'm not on the same page as another person, sometimes not even the same book written in a language I comprehend, is a nightmare.

I would prefer it if petty conflict was passe and bitter smallness was a curable disease, but it's not. I imagine I would be much more open to letting naturally insensitive creatures into my life if I could assure at least the resemblance of decorum, but I cannot.

What I can do, however, is limit the amount of petty conflict, bitter smallness and insensitive creatures in my life. And yes, I can write about it. I can work through the shifting intricacies of disconnected personal perceptions in my stories. I can refuse to take part in "going there" when pressed repeatedly to explain the reasoning behind my convictions, maybe in the hopes that I'll change my mind. And I can remind myself that an opposing view has just as much a right to exist as mine, even if I am undoubtedly sure mine is the "right" view.

In the construction of the storyline running through my current project, I find I am always thinking of this conflict. It almost feels I've manifested these recent real-life examples of personal perception disconnects to help me write the pieces that go in it, to help give me insight into the complexities of the relationships between people, to help me be a better writer and person. But it sucks, really sucks, when these complexities and disconnects threaten my world despite my best efforts.

So to the Universe I say this: it is my contention that this disconnect, this illusion of what is truth and what is fiction, is already a central theme in my life. I am quite aware of it, I study it, I live it. Therefore, I recommend the Universe drop the shovel, and step away from the hole. I'd like to move on to other life lessons, please. Perhaps in the way of learning to feel peaceful for long periods of time. I could use some of that.

Let's go steady!

How to write better and faster (and why the library makes me sexy)

Image by margolove via Flickr

I like to go to the free writing classes the Multnomah County Library offers to the general public. They have a huge number of interesting programs and events to go to: classes and workshops on a wide range of topics, special interest clubs, exhibits, storytelling times -- and all of it is conveniently listed online on the library's Event Finder page.

I'm a big library fan (duh) and therefore-hereto-consequently am freaking excited to report that @melissalion and I will be teaching our Social Media in Real Life class on May 8th. This is really great news for the mediaChick brand. Teaching at the library is super sexy, and I'm all about promoting the idea that smart = sexy.

So, I've attended a few writing classes at the library, and although most of the classes are geared toward the beginning writer I find they're invaluable for gaining perspective on the art of getting my damned words out in some sort of sensible, cohesive form. It takes work to make words look this good. In fact, I find it can be really, really hard. (Which of course means it's worth doing.)

Recently I attended a class called Speed Depth in Fiction Writing, taught by local author Laura Whitcomb. Laura talked through some techniques she uses to write third draft stuff the first time around in her "how to" book Novel Shortcuts.

So at yesterday's class I listened to what Laura had to say about her experiences as a full-time writer and the things that help her write faster, better. Although I didn't learn anything new, I did get a cheat-sheet of sorts on how to quickly crank out a story's blueprint. I think I'll find that most helpful because I'm a hardcore list-maker and need structure for my muse to be happy.

Here is an overview of the most goodest advice, with my "buck-fifty" comments thrown in. (I think we all know that I have comments to throw in.):

Create a soundtrack for your story
Search for songs that emulate your story, its climax moments, its characters. Play them when you write, starting with the one tune that really nails the overall feeling of your story. Your story's title track. End your soundtrack with the scene that best conveys your ending scene. Everything in between is up to you, but should include music from the time period of your story, music culturally relevant, etc.

Movie soundtracks are the best place to look for music that has an emotional charge, but without lyrics. Music without lyrics is optimal for writing for most people. Then you have people like me: fiercely attracted to music that first sucker punches me with a delicious melody and then finishes me off with lyrics that blow my mind. Consequently, my story soundtracks often contain all songs with lyrics -- distractions be damned.

Let the Masters guide you
When your best efforts to write a scene in your story the way you want it isn't happening, when you're struggling to make a decision about solving a tricky plot problem, try to remember how another, more experienced writer has pulled it off. For Pete's sake, don't rip off the Masters, only emulate the Masters. They know more than you and you'd be a better writer if you paid attention to how they go about solving the problems of their characters in their stories.

Random thoughts are not random
Laura calls this sensation your "sensory ghosts" and I call them "Ah-ha! moments" but they both boil down to the same thing: your subconscious is connecting the dots for you. The next time you're working away on something and suddenly you're reminded of a totally random phrase in a book, or a poem, or a person from your past, ask yourself "why." You'll find your brain has been working hard, along side you, and has found something new to consider in your writing. Perhaps the beat of the poem will make that clumsy intro paragraph finally work, or a quote from somebody else's character will inspire you to write a better plot line. When this happens to you, this "out of the blue" idea, you should probably shut up and listen to it.

If it stinks, cut it down at the knees
This is something I have found to be most useful in my quest to eradicate my tendency to be too wordy when I just can't get a scene to come together the way I want it to. Here's how you do it: Starting from the bottom of your page, read backwards through your disappointing sentences until you find one that you think is actually pretty effing good. Hack everything that follows it. All of the stinky, not awesome sentences. Ah...feels good, doesn't it?

Perfect your story's Big Moment
In every great story there must be critical passages that the reader's mind will drift to when thinking about it. That's what makes it a great story. There should be, however, one defining passage -- one moment that encapsulates the very essence of your story's awesomeness. That trait, what Laura calls a "cross hairs" moment, is in every single great story in the history of great stories. Make sure your story has one, and that it rocks.

Take the shortcut to the scene
This is a great way for writers who want to cut through the hemming and hawing prevalent in the early stage of creation, all that namby-pamby emotional back story crap that bogs me down because I'm INFJ and only sharing my writing with the public due to my fear of mortality. I require structure to create, and deadlines, because the creative process isn't a natural process. It doesn't just ooze out of me and I can't turn on and off the floodgates. The writer, the artist, the sculptor, the turn-table king -- we're all creative people who need to induce the muse to come out and play.

Here's one way for writers to quickly plot out a story's scenes (one page per scene):

1. Start with a short description of what should happen in the scene. Use regular type font.
2. Write a few lines of dialogue that supports what's happening in the scene. Use bold font.
3. Write for ten minutes, as fast as you can. Faster than your speeding, nay-saying inner critic. Use italic font. Next, go back through and bold 10 or so phrases you really like. You probably recognize this writing method (which you probably learned in high school) as free writing or stream-of-consciousness writing. Laura calls it a "heartstorm" which is cute, but I don't always write from my heart. I shall call it free writing, with the unspoken understanding that the sub-types are "heart," "brain" and "sex organs."
   
4. Print out your one-page outline, the bones of your scene, and keep it within eyesight while you write your third draft of it the first time out, the flesh of your scene.
   

Positive thought: not just for New Agers
Visualize whirled peas aside, the power of positive thinking cannot be denied. A good attitude and hopeful optimism is critical to your success and the health of your writer's ego. Since that statement is coming from a natural pessimist, I encourage you to give some weight to the idea that it can help your writing career and your writing. Here are some tips and tricks to get yourself in the right frame of mind for your undoubtedly pending fame and fortune:

• Write the copy for the jacket of your future book, your bio for the online column you want to pen, or the accolades from your wordsmith heroes tooting the talent horn.
• Go get your author photo taken and introduce yourself as a writer (even if you feel you aren't one. Yet.)
  
• Visualize breaking through barriers or walls. Literally. Write words on the walls or hang things on it that represent your barriers (people, places, things) and then use your hands, a sledgehammer, a cannon, whatever your little heart desires, to bust it down.
  
• Fantasize about your impending fame and fortune. I recommend you do this right before falling asleep or within 5 minutes of waking, because those are the times of day your sub-conscious mind is still more in charge than the conscious mind. As the conscious mind likes to remind you that, no, you are not a wildly successful and sought-after writer on permanent working vacation in the tropical isles, you'll want to focus your fantasy life to when your mind is more receptive.

Well, there you are. I hope you found this informative, and not a re-hashing of things you already knew about the craft of getting your words right. Or, if it is, that I was at least entertaining enough for you. I'll be trying out Laura's "shortcuts to the scene" tips, a good story plotter for my list-loving brain, and continuing with the other things mentioned here I'm already doing.

To my writer readers: any other tips to share on writing better, faster? Any of these ideas new to you, or something you might try? Drop me a comment or contact. I'd love to know! Meow!

Let's go steady!

Not scared? Then you're doing it wrong

"If it isn't frightening, it's not worth doing."

I was ruminating with Ed Borasky (@znmeb) about that old adage yesterday at Beer and Blog. We sat at the bar together, I drank the lovely dark stout @pdxflaneur bought me, Ed ate his aromatic clam chowder, and we discussed how the things we choose to do in life, the things that influence pivotal changes and pregnant possibilities, are often the scariest experiences in life.

Ed is a superincrediblytalented math guy who specializes in open source performance testing software. He likes to optimize things for efficiency and discuss the future of semantic Web, and his real first name is Maurice. (He's also available for hire, so if you're looking for a superincrediblytalented math guy you should go check him out).

Talking to Ed makes me feel smart-ish, because I can work in smart-ish phrases when I talk to him: "Profiling Ruby is soooo 21st Century" and "Done with that paper on algorithmic composition and synthesis of music yet?" for instance.

Quite honestly I'm not sure what he's getting out of our chats, but he's very nice to indulge me when the topic is the art of being human.

The byword If it isn't frightening, it's not worth doing is similar to other, familiar Life in a Nutshell versions I live by. That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger and If it's hard it must be good for you are themes I know well, as a writer and a human. I weave them into my stories, and I live and breathe them. I'm betting you do, too.

And I try to do scary things, every single day. I stretch my personal boundaries and talk to strangers, acting like that's no big deal. I blindly trust in my capabilities and capacity for being the best, most awesome me I can be. I am also working on the biggest, most personal media project of my life. The kind that solicits reactions from friends and strangers praising my bravery and questioning my sanity.

It's not bravery. It may be insanity. But always It is frightening, and therefore worth doing.

No matter how loud my instinctive personality kicks and screams, of course preferring I NOT do these frightening things, I still do it. My instinct tells me it's necessary to plunder through. Even though I am not a risk-taker by any means. Even if I am not a fan of surprises, and need mental preparation for spontaneous acts of "winging it" (which isn't really winging it, FINE). I do it anyway.

But still, I want to live a life of rewarding personal fulfillment, not have life be what happens when I'm busy doing other stuff.

What kind of "life" is that?

If you're not taking chances once in a while -- really going for it, scaring yourself with the fierce desire to follow through -- then you're doing it wrong. Life deserves better from you.

Go, start, now. You'll be so glad you did. I know I am already, no matter what happens.

Let's go steady!

A Vibrator Story (like A Christmas Story, only completely different)

Image by Cranky Media Guy via Flickr

Now that my mother and little sister have traveled home from their very short visit to Portland, Oregon, and I have had a chance to reflect on the events that transpired, I am ready to tell the Vibrator Story.

After I finish the rest of this beer. Hold please.

Ah, yes. Let's get on with it:

I swear my mom and sis were in my house less than 10 minutes before (what shall henceforth be known as) The Great Dildo Reveal. I was giving my pregnant sister and cane-wielding elderly mother a tour of my home, catching them up to what I'd improved on since they were here last. So, while my teenage son brought in the luggage, they tottered around the place. It had been a few years since they'd seen my home, certainly before either one of them began tottering.

We made it to my recently painted bedroom and were admiring my skillz when I noticed my doggy @littlegyrl (YES she has a Twitter profile. DO NOT JUDGE ME.) had made herself a nice little napping nest on my bed. She takes great car in doing this, breaking into my room and making herself at home between my sheets, arranging the pillows and comforter just so. She's prolly getting even with me for avoid eye contact with her at bedtime, as neither I nor my son will let her sleep with us because she sheds more than the cat. (Also, she snores but will never admit to it.)

Now here comes the Comedy of Errors part: First, I said something to my mom about the dog getting inside my bed and leaving her mess. Mom is standing on one side of the bed, and I am on the other. She says something about how the dog is an Angel Baby and the Best Dog Ever and she just misses me is all, and can't I understand that? My sister, who is at the end of the bed, watches the exchange wryly. My mom pulls back my comforter to shake out the dog fur, and at this exact moment the teenage boy appears in the doorway.

Suddenly my mom says "Oh" in such a way that makes everyone turn and look at her. She is looking at my bed. We then, collectively, all look at what she's looking at: my vibrator laying on my fur-covered bed sheet.

(Well, duh. Where else would it be? Seriously.)

I say "MOM!" and steal a quick look at my teenage son, hoping to see a look shock so I can make a smarty-pants comment about women having needs, but he's not even blinking hard. Darn. My sister says "Uh, you can put the blanket down now." She does, finally, after a few very long seconds. My son rolls his eyes and walks out, audibly sighing.

Sigh, indeed.

And there you are, The Great Dildo Reveal. I don't know what lesson I'm supposed to learn here, as I have no inclination to boot my battery operated bed mate from the left side of the bed. Why should I?

But I'll tell you this: it was funny as hell, and a fairly perfect way to start a weekend off with visiting relatives.

Let's go steady!

Prelude to a vibrator story (a shiny Twitter distraction)

My mom and sister are in town visiting this weekend. They arrived on the Greyhound bus from small-town living in Eastern Oregon, loaded down with my niece fetus, sleep apnea machinery and Ikea dreams.

Within an hour of lugging their luggage into my home, my mother inadvertent unveiled my vibrator to everyone in the house. Including my horrified teenage son.

Oh, yes.

I'll write more on my weekend with visiting family, soon. In the meantime, please enjoy this video that you all should have watched by now: Old Man Stewart Shakes His Fist At Twitter

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Twitter Frenzy
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to this blog so when that dildo post goes up you'll be sure to see it. (Because apparently having my teenage son, my mom and my sister check out my sex toy isn't embarrassing enough.)

Let's go steady!

Miss Me? Monday 3/30/09

Lest you think I've been slacking in the Department of Blogging, here's another installment of Miss Me? Monday. This is where I handily outline all the other places on the Internets that I've been awesome, so you don't miss a thing. Also, I crave the attention.

Let's begin, shall we?

Beer and Blog - Portland

Social causes are very important to me, so last week on the Beer and Blog...er, blog...I called for an End to Awkwardness. This call was answered by many, as evidenced by the quickness of the keg's depletion and the fact that I danced in public. (There is probably photographic evidence of this rare dancing event, but I just checked Flickr and so far nothing has come up. Yet.)

I Heart Media - Vox

If you care to notice, I continue to leak my dreams and fears into my Vox blog. I shared Notte Sento, a short, gorgeous stop-motion film about two young and attractive strangers who spend the night together on the streets of Rome. The ditty from Vedera called Satisfy (Desire on Repeat) is about going for it (in regards to matters of the heart). And let me tell you, some people are never satisfied. I called Metronomy "a clever British band with a sexysmooth Casio-influenced new wave sound." After seeing their music video I am now adamant my next home will be an English manor and that no soccer balls will be allowed.

Long Lunch PDX

I wrote a basic "what the hellz is..." piece that I'm quite pleased with called Feeds for Free - RSS Feeds in Real Life. I worked hard at making a potentially technical subject matter into prose that was non-technical and simple. AND I successfully integrated both ninja kitties and skeeball championships into the examples. ROCK. ON. (Remember, I can work this kinda magic for you too, dear reader. Contact me and we'll get you all magical-like in no time.)

So ends another installment of Miss Me? Monday. I hope you enjoyed your trip around the Internets. But why miss me at all? Subscribe and never miss a thing!

Let's go steady!

Nothing says "I care" like taking off your clothes

Image via Wikipedia

Funny story how I ended up as July in the Naked for a Cause 2010 charity calendar. I know you've heard me yap about it before, but here's a recap anyway: its purpose is to monetarily benefit a few very worthwhile local organization and features twelve months of some of my favorite tech-heads in Portland. Plus me. I'm in it, too.

Some would (and have) argued that technically I am wearing something: a half-apron (handmade by me and super cute) with a teeny white laptop, held in front of me. Be that as it may, I assure you I am plenty naked. Believe me, you don't know naked until at the exact moment it's time to take off your clothes so Aaron Hockley can take a bajillion photos of your bare-ass-ness, your dear (since high school for frick's sake) girlfriend blasts cheesey stripper music.

Now that's naked, my friends. Naked, and so very alone.

But if you're not convinced I'm naked enough, you should go buy a calendar and see for yourself. Better yet, you should buy one this Sunday at the Get Naked for a Cause Champagne Autograph party! (It's at the Muddy Waters Coffeehouse on SE Belmont, and runs 6-8pm.)

Even at the risk of brain damage from Sharpie fumes, I've been practicing both my In Real Life name and Twitter handle all week. Trying to find that balance between flourish and class isn't easy, you know.

Go RSVP now on upcoming.org.

But back to the funny story of how I ended up as July. About a year before I was persuaded by calendar proprietresses and fellow raven-haired lasses @colemangirl and @wonderwendy77 to pose, I was in a major emotional funk. (I didn't exactly make it easy on them, either.) As I lay on my cool leather couch, second-guessing every single decision I've made in my life, I happened to catch Calendar Girls on television. I clearly remember thinking to myself, "$&^# me! Now there's something I'd never do. Psshaw!"

It's funny, because in the last year my perception of who I am and what I am capable of has actually changed me into the kind of person who'd would do that. That's freaking hilarious to me, this beautiful simplicity in the enrichment of point of view you gain as a result of embracing life and moving forward, of believing and following your bliss.

It might as well be The Secret to Life: Nothing's impossible.

Let's go steady!

Clearly I need to work on the mediaChick brand (or do I?)

Like all self-respecting social media consulting professionals, I often vanity search. This is, of course, because a person's self-worth is directly tied to how many times their links appear on the first page of search results. (As I'm pretty sure I saw that fact stated on a slide in one of the bajillion SEO presentations I've seen on Slideshare, it must be true.)

So, here is what comes up when I search "i heart media" in The Googles:

First page, second link, there I am. Got myself tagged "journalism" you see. That's like, NEWS and stuff. Me likes it. When you think about "i heart media" you should be thinking about writing and information (with a healthy dollop of me-me-me thrown in for prosperity.) Veeery Goooood.

Now, here's what we get when The Googles search "mediaChick":

Yeah, that's right. P0rn. I know who's responsible for this tag (cough@lollyraecough) and it looks like it's been that way for a while. But does it hurt the "mediaChick brand"?

My personal digital identity is decidedly far-flung, ranging from straight talk to jive talk. I write in many places online and off about about love, technology, life, music, relationships and baking (among other things) using both good words and naughty words. And, more than once, I have been caught in delicious moments of both utmost professionalism and omgyoudidNOTjustsaythat. Sometimes at the same time.

In my Social Media in Real Life class yesterday I talked about having a "digital self" online, which is the whole of the little pieces of you found around the Internet that together represent an online version of your "real" self. For instance, on the Long Lunch PDX blog I try to write in an approachable way that puts readers with technology anxiety at ease. That's my digital persona there, as a social media teacher. You won't ever see me using the kinds of photos I've used here on this blog. You've seen worse, I think.

It's all there on the Internet, bits and bytes of my digital self, sprinkled amongst the pages. Just waiting for some jokester (watch your back @lollyrae) to tag mediaChick as xxx-rated.

Although, you know? Kind of feels like a challenge.

Let's go steady!

The 5 Most Awesomest Firefox Add-ons

Firefox is my browser of choice. With the exception of my little affair with Chrome (we all went a little wild when it came out, didn't we?) I have been using it for more than three years.

And truly, if it left me I might die.

Like any good lover or Web productivity tool, Firefox has submerged itself into my everyday Internet experience. Certainly, it has changed the way I live my life.

The best thing about Firefox, which is one of the most successful open source programs out there, are the browser add-ons. The ability to customize my online environment using tools made by people who do the same kinds of things I do every day means I get useful tools. YAY!

Add-ons save me time and that makes me look awesome in the eyes of my clients. They give me the geek cred I crave when my colleagues erupt with gleeful schoolgirl giggling when I share newly discovered Firefox add-on nuggets of productivity deliciousness. From the boys even.

(Passionate love for a community-coded productivity app isn't weird, right? You know what? I don't care. True love needs no explanation.)

I've poured over my very long extensions list and culled it down to the 5 Firefox add-ons that I find absolutely invaluable. That have changed the way I do things on the Web. (Okay, there are actually many more, but for the sake of the average Internet reading attention span, let's stick to 5.)

The 5 Most Awesomest Firefox Add-ons

Apture Editor
[video]

With one line of code I can make interactive, multimedia infused, non-intrusive panels on any of my blogs thanks to Apture. The links in this very post -- which activate panels of related information upon click or mouseover to show videos, Web pages, even widgets -- were created in very little time.

Apture not only creates custom panels of content that popup quietly, these panels show any related content you may find and lists them as thumbnails along the bottom of the panel. You can use any of the numerous available types of searches for content to link to in any panel. Anything you want, from numerous sources. You can also point to any custom url or embed a widget in a panel.

Try it out (click the Edit this Page button)

Zotero
[video]

This amazing Firefox extension was developed by the Center of New Media and History to help students collect, manage, and cite research sources for their papers in 2006. But its amazing capacity as a reference maintenance software is only the beginning.

It automagically stores whole Web pages and anything on a Web page (PDFs, files, media, links) for labeling, tagging, and categorizing. The export function allows one-click bibilographies, indexes and project data that is already formatted and code-clean. The customizable user interface makes it very easy to work with while collecting data, and it plays nice with other Web tools and and word processing applications.

I use Zotero to manage my bajillion different projects, which runs the gamut between creative to technical, so it's not just for scholars needing to export a thesis bibliography. Even if you're not quite sure how this powerful Firefox extension might be useful to you, you should probably watch the video just to be sure.

Zemanta
[video]

It was love at first sight with Zemanta. Not only does this extention help me build multimedia-rich blog posts and email with nary a hitch, it saves me content development and research time. I don't know about you, but time I manage to save is time I deserve to gain.

Zemanta integrates into your blog post (all the major platforms are supported) and email (just gmail and yahoo at the time of publishing) and provides you with one-click media, hyperlink and tagging capability right inside your blog posting interface. In a single bound, people! It provides instant "share this" type code at the end of each blog posts without needing to type a key. It also tries real hard to only provide content that's not copyright wink-wink questionable.

Get thee on the Zemanta tour to find out more. Once you install it you'll soon be like me, spending all the time you save by figuring out how to spend all the time you save. ;)

Ubiquity
[video]

"...connecting the world with words." This easy to use, keyboard shortcut enabled, community-based mashup experiment changes everything for me.

Ubiquity runs on an open API. To invoke and use it, you execute commands. You select things on a Web page or type in a command. Then it figures out what you are asking of it and allows you to then use whatever it brings back to you in a variety of ways, all without leaving the page you are on. You can ask it to translate, search, map, email content to anybody, check your google calendar/email/to do list/documents, check the news. Yes, you can even Twitter from it.

Ubiquity is beta, it's semantic webby, and it does far more than I've explained here. If you haven't tried it yet, you're missing out. It is a taste of the future of the Web. For seriously.

Web Developer
[video]

At publishing time, there have been 9,958,956 downloads of this add-on, making this FireFox extension one of the most popular out there for those of us who work in Web development. The goodies in its menus will turn you into a productivity messiah in the eyes of clients and free you up to spend that time saved making your projects work juuuuuust right.

The Web Developer browser extension is a toolbar that provides easier ways to do a lot of the usual time intensive subjects. Edit any page's CSS and see your changes live (and locally), displays the page information for pretty much anything you'd want to know on any page on the Internet, disabling cookies and images, code validation, browser resizing...the list goes on and on.

Rmember it's popular for a reason, and that's because it is most awesome,

And so my love affair with Firefox burns on.

But what are YOUR favorites? I wanna know!

Let's go steady!

Miss Me? Monday 3/2/09

Because I wouldn't want you to miss anything, for your convenience I'm rounding up the links to what I've been up to around the Web:

OurPDX
My friend Angel owns Ladybug cafe in my neighborhood, St. Johns. I may have mentioned it a few bajillion times on twitter, you know, if you keep track of those sort of things. (Is that creepy? I'm not sure. Probably.)

Angel has hung her incredible coffee-centric photos on her cafe's walls (see her Flickr set) and her reception Encrusted was on Sunday. I wrote about it here, on OurPDX, a blog I love dearly. And I'm not just saying that because of lack-of-post guilt, either. Nuh-uh, no ma'am.

Beer and Blog
As you all know I take my Portland Chapter Beer and Blog Provost duties quite seriously, so naturally when I wrote about the cool stuff we're going to do this month I managed to misspell a word in the title of the calagator.org event listing and write "peak" instead of "pique". I am a moron.

Thanks to @pdxflaneur for keeping my heinous crimes against literature on the down-low by pointing this out to me in a private message on Twitter, and well now GOSH here I am, revealing to unknown numbers of grammar finger-shakers on the Internet.

Oh, screw it.

Long Lunch PDX
Over on the Long Lunch PDX blog I wrote 1,000 + "let me lay it out for you people" words about Twitter. I've written about Twitter before (on this blog) but this time I worked in a letter from my favorite coffee people: Wes and Chris of espressoarts.com, a coffee catering company. Chris sent me an email about the same time I was toiling away on my post. It was related, so in it went. It feels a bit long by Internet-attention-span standards, but clear about the purpose of Twitter. Please go check it out and tell me what you think.

By the way, this is a new thing I'm trying on the Long Lunch PDX blog: Quick Question About. The segment title? Meh. Not exactly in love. But I do want to answer some questions about using social media in real life, so send them my way via a comment on this blog. (Really, any of the blogs. Why do I have so many damned blogs??)

I Heart Media - Vox
Check out Röyksopp in "Happy Up Here" which is from their newest album. It's all Space Invaders and electronic pop goodness, if you're in the mood for such giddiness. You may know these boys from Norway as "that band that does that song, with the video of the dog, um, in space."

Oh, Röyksopp. Sigh. I have such a thing for Scandinavian bands. (What am I, 12?)

This has been a Miss Me? Monday.

Miss me? Subscribe to my feeds, and never miss a thing.

Let's go steady!

I'm complicated (that's why I blog)

I have other blogs besides this one. Did you know?

This complex, mysterious, multi-faceted woman cannot be contained in just ONE PLACE on the Internet. Oh no. I have to spread my interesting-ness around, lest the Internet get top heavy (bottom heavy? help me out here...) and break during the replaying of @Kamarama's infamous wardrobe malfunction during last Friday's live podcast of Strange Love Live.

Confession: I admit I was assigned nipple patrol that night, which means to be on the hunt for wayward nips, but was helplessly distracted by naughty talk in the podcast chat room. I am the worst Chat room Mistress-slash-Nipple Police EVAR.

If you're a regular visitor (Greetings, Australia!) you know that on this blog I practice the art of revealing everything and nothing AT THE SAME TIME. There's also some techie talk, some sexy talk, and some baking talk. (Note to self: this paragraph describes all Portland girls. Maybe you should re-think any ideas of perceived originality? But not tonight. Too tired.)

I write about Portland stuff on Our PDX. On I Heart Media on Vox you'll see my favorite music, books, movies and lyrics, special messages that mean a lot to me. I write on Beer and Blog (to help bloggers over beer) as Portland Chapter Provost, which has been an incredibly cool experience.

And soon, very soon I'll be writing regularly on the Long Lunch PDX blog, about social media and how it works (and doesn't work) in real life.

You could say I've been busy. There's also the I'dtellyoubutthenI'dhavetokillyou projects that burn in my head (and heart, and, ahem, other places) that I work on obsessively, under the cover of night and during weekend free time.

However, here are some recent works that I'm willing to admit exist:

• Drupal Magic Animal Farm
• Welcome to Beer and Blog, 2009 Edition
• The Weepies "Hideaway"
• Fever Ray "If I Had A Heart"
• Nostalgia is the punchline
• Make a difference this summer: leave home

Hope you enjoyed this overview of some facets of my personality. I'll write something purposely vague here on this blog again, real soon. (Or maybe it's time to gush about Portland on Our PDX...or the latest indie rock band on I Heart Media on Vox...)

Let's go steady!

How to make #mmmpie and influence people

I spent a lot of time yesterday baking for my beautiful friend Nic's Valentine's Day birthday party. Creating edible delectibles is how I show my (mostly) offline friends how much I love them, and last night I loved them as much as 8 mini hand pies and 1 full sized pie of granny smith brown sugar oatmeal goodness. That's a lot of love.

These pies rocked it so hard I had to hashtag it. #mmmpie indeed!

I don't know about you, but I tweet while enjoying the company of my non-tweeting, non-bloggy friends. Not only are they good for hilarious @overheard tweets, they like the thrill of knowing my tweets are seen by hundreds of people. I know this because when one of them has made an ass of themselves, they'll helpfully say, "you should tweet that!" in the hopes that I will.

Yes, they're used to this ritual of mine, of the careful choosing 140 characters (or less) my latest attempt to answer that omnipotently addictive twitter question: what are you doing right now?

Editorial note: Yes, omnipotently is a word.

Recently these dear flesh friends have become evermore curious about this "social media thing" I do. Conversations range from how to avoid that overwhelmed feeling that's brought on by the bajillion (...and one...and counting) sparkly social media tools out there; how to figure out FacebookTwitterFlickrLinkedIn; and how to find people who share a love for black and while movies that feature accordion-playing nuns with tattoos. (I have very interesting flesh friends.)

And I love hearing their questions! It's incredibly helpful in ensuring I'm covering the right things in my Social Media in Real Life class. Even on the Social Media 101 level there are a huge number of topics to discuss that can help connect people with the tools the need to tell their story, sell their idea, promote their cause.

I'll be writing more on the basics of social media on Long Lunch PDX, and do my best to share relevant information about using social media in real life.

Just remember to wait one hour after eating #mmmpie before you swim in the online social pool.

mediaChick's #mmmpie

Single crust:

1 3/4 cup of flour
1 tablespoon of sugar
1 teaspoon of salt
1 1/4 cup of chilled, cubed non-salted butter
4-5 tablespoons of ice water

Apple filling:

6 large, 8 medium, or 10 small granny smith apples (peeled, cored and chopped in medium-sized chunks)
1/2 cup of white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar (plus extra)
1/2 cup oatmeal (plus extra)
2 tablespoon flour
2 tablespoon of non-salted butter (plus extra)

Making the crust:

In a large bowl or pastry mixer combine flour, sugar and salt. Add butter cubes and stir gently, coating the cubes with the flour mixture. Throughout the entire crust-making process, try to handle the dough as little as possible.

Use a pastry blending tool or the pastry mixer to incorporate the butter throughout the flour. It is important not to let the butter get too warm, otherwise you'll have a flour-butter paste. This is bad because it makes rolling the dough out a sticky, frustrating endeavor. If your butter is getting too mushy, put the concoction in the fridge for 10 minutes until it behaves again.

When the largest of the butter cubes are the size of peas, add ice water two tablespoons at a time and keep mixing. Keep and eye out for when the dough pulls together, but is not super sticky. When that happens, you're done mixing. (There should be little pieces of butter visible throughout the dough.) Gently shape the dough into a flat disk 4-5 inches in diameter with floured hands. Wrap it in plastic and put it in the fridge for 30 minutes while you're making the apple pie filling.

Making the filling:

Put the apple chunks in a large bowl. Mix 2 tablespoons of flour, the white and brown sugars and the oatmeal together and then stir it into the apples. Melt 2 tablespoons of butter over medium-low heat in a very large pot. Pour the apple mixture in the pot, coat it with the melted butter, and put the lid on the pot. Stir occasionally, for 10 minutes, or until the largest apple chunks are only slightly crunchy and the smallest chunks are soft. Take it off the burner, take of the lid, and let it cool while you shape the crust.

Shaping the crust:

Set your oven to 400 degrees. Take out the dough chilling in the fridge, unwrap it, and let it sit on a floured surface for 5 minutes. With a floured rolling pin, gently roll on the dough once and then turn it 45 degrees. Roll it again, turn it again. (This technique keeps the dough's thickness uniform.) Do this until you have a round-ish shape 10 inches in diameter. Fold the dough in half, then again. Place the folded dough in a pie dish and unfold the dough so it's a full circle again, then press the dough gently on all sides of the dish.

Pour the apple filling into the pie plate, spreading the mixture evenly. With the filling keeping the dough in place, cut the dough around the plate edge, leaving no more than 1 inch hanging off the edge.

Next, do something interesting with the pie crust, around the edge. If you've keep the dough's temperature cool, the dough should be easy to mold into something pretty.Try folding the dough under and then pressing it down with a fork. Or try fluting it (which is much easier than you'd think).

Sprinkle a mixture of some brown sugar and oatmeal over the top of the apple filling. Dot generously with butter. Bake for 20-25 minutes at 400 degrees. If your oven runs hot, use tin foil (shiny side down) and cover the pie crust edge.

Enjoy!

Let's go steady!

Brilliance makes me sleepy

Yesterday it was rumored I'd been p0rnnapped:



I've unintentionally caused my friends @melissalion and @jarvitron to worry about me (secretly I am veryvery pleased) but the truth is, I was asleep.

ASLEEP. Not soundly, not deeply, but asleep nonetheless by 7pm last night. That's earlier than most really old people, and I'm only on the cusp of old. I have an excuse: I was exhausted by possibilities and a good, old-fashioned "Ah HA!" moment.

I had had a good, productive work day yesterday. I ate lunch and laughed. I drove home daydreaming, as I do, about all the things I want to do that night. Last night in particular I was hot with ideas to share in my class Social Media in Real Life.

I've been in online education a long time, and it's taught a couple of things about what people like when in a classroom setting. All that aside, I know what *I* like, and that's handouts. Yes, in this "paperless society" I want something to take away with me after the bell rings even if I take notes (and of course you know I take notes). Call it a security blanket, but teachers who have even one physical piece of paper to share with their students are gods to me.

So as I drive home, my thoughts are swirling around what kind of information I would provide in my class handouts. And then I came up with an idea, in the spirit of the class description of "free (or nearly free) online tools" on how to provide a one page, double-sided handout that would never go obsolete. Ever. BRILLIANCE, if I do say so myself.

You'll need to attend the class, which I'm co-teaching with Random House novelist @melissalion, to fully bask in the glow of said brilliance though. (That's the same @melissalion who was worried about me along with the ever funny, ever potty-mouthed @jarvitron.)

But the time I got home I couldn't keep my eyes open. I noticed the dog and cat needed to be fed. I saw my teenaged son behind his computer, pantomiming the act of eating soup. I scoffed. Loudly. Deliriously.

I went to bed. I awoke at 5am to find that my palms would have been itching had I been awake last night at the ungodly hour of Before Prime Time.

Have to say, it's nice to know friends are paying enough attention to imagine that my video shoot of an exam review seminar, and deciding to wear sexy panties for a little soul boost, would lead to my unfortunate p0rnnapping. Although, for the record, there may or may not be something like that already making the "my ex-girlfriend is hot" sites.

If you see it, let me know. In the meantime, sign up for my class!

Let's go steady!

What else is there?

For a few weeks now I've been waking up in a heart-racing panic, wrapped in a sweaty chill. This happens after about 6 hours of teeth grinding and vivid B-movie dreams in saturated 1970s Technicolor and Smell-O-Vision. (I am cursed/blessed with a very active imagination.)

While I sleep, my brain (just like everyone's brains) works on into the night figuring stuff out. It's all that connecting-the-dotting our awake brain doesn't have time to sort out during precious consciousness. It's an attempt to work out all that crap that you "know" but don't know yet. You know? How to survive life with your wits (and sense of humor) still intact.

These things that freak me out range from big OMG! OMG! things to (itty bitty little) things. I see these same things happening to my friends and family, clients and comrades, weighing like rocks in their pockets. The tumultuous economy and pinching pennies, the routine of family life, our personal and professional responsibilities, desire and yearning and ambition, the loves lost and loves wanted, the past mistakes and future wishes. And there's always guilt, too. That is what the soiled trench coat of life is made out of, with its many pockets of many rocks of stuff that weigh us down.

These things aren't altogether bad, however. It's life, and these rocks are part of it. They keep us grounded. They distract us from things that pull our focus away from what we should be doing as productive members of the community, as a business, as someone's partner. They give us boundaries and rules of engagement.

They also lock us into situations, and dictate how we spend the hours we're not pseudo sleeping and acerbating the veneers of our molars. They dash dreams and let the air out of ambition. They tell us "No. You can't, because __________."

That's where I am right now, staring at that fill-in-the-blank. At the really, really good and solid list of reasons why I can't, why I should ditch my heart's desires and secret stealth projects, and concentrate on getting through the roughness of those rocks against my tender skin. Impressively daunting is what it is. The not sleeping, the process of metabolizing the adrenaline of freaking out, and the dirty guilt coat I'm wearing, all of it makes a girl super tired. You know? It's just easier to let things be, and strive for "meh" instead of "whoo-hoo!".

But even though I have these very heavy rocks in my pockets, I still have hope in my veins that I can be and do and have what I want. That I really can dream big and not be devastated because of __________. That someday soon I won't wake up with aching jaws and balmy in places that should not be balmy, tangled in my sheets and head.

In the meantime: I give, I live, I aspire. I work my ass off. I trust that I'll be okay, and that my projects and efforts and words are not wasted. That they are meaningful stepping stones for the believers of such grandiose ideology of personal fulfillment, pointing me in the direction I'm supposed to be going.

After all, what else is there but faith in following your bliss?

Let's go steady!

Putting myself out there (literally)

Sweet, tasty news!

Firstly, I've taken on the responsibilities of Portland Chapter Provost for the wildly successful Beer and Blog. This position is akin to the one Julie had on the Love Boat, only with no boat or Capt'n Stubing, but plus beer and Justin Kistner. Okay, yes it's much more than that. I write on the blog, generate ideas, support the team. You know what? I've just decided that I need a clipboard. Yep. And also just decided that someone should buy me a beer at the next Beer and Blog. It's just curteous, for the Love of Pete. And also, that we should make it a tradition. Whee, this job is FUN!

Next, I need to confirm a rumor I've heard is a-flying: It's true, I will be the month of July in the Naked for a Cause 2010 charity calendar, which is now available for pre-order on their Web site. The calendars are expected in the flesh late next month. (Oh, yes. I went there.) My image was taken by film whisperer Aaron Hockley. So, go get one and help P:EAR, the PCC Multimedia Club and Free Geek, this year's funding recipients. (By the way, my fragile ego wouldn't mind at all if you asked for an autograph. Just putting that out there.)

Finally, and this is a big one for me folks, next month I'll be co-teaching a class with Melissa Lion. She'll handle the part on writing narrative for blogs, and I'll be yammering on about social media tools and blog promotion and the like, until I'm told my time is up and can I please shut the hell up now? I'm a bit nervous about this. Will I be able to shut up? (Note to self: practice shutting up.)

I hope to see more faces at the Beer and Blog, a great surge in sales of the nudie, er, tasteful simulated nudity calendar, and butts in the seats of my class next month.

Come on! I'm putting myself out there, after all.

Let's go steady!

For auld lang syne, my dear

I am a stunned to think about all that has happened in the last three hundred and sixty-five days of my life. It feels I've crammed two or three years into this last one. It's not the amount of stuff that's happened, or even the number of things that I've accomplished, but rather the impact of the events.

Although some of this past year has been utterly painful, the likes of which I would not wish another creature to endure, some of it brought truly wonderful warm-and-fuzzy experiences, the kind that steadies wavering faith and restores coal-black hearts back to a healthy pink hue. The last twelve months have resonated deeply in ways I could not have anticipated. I can't help but hold close the idea larger forces are at work.

I get a dizzy when I remember tomorrow is the first day of 2009. And while year's end arrived at an agonizing pace (sometimes blazing fast, sometimes snail slow) I find myself now looking back on the past for clues into my future. And I am choosing, choosing, not to forget.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

	Barenaked Ladies - Auld Lang Syne
	Found at skreemr.com

My wish to you all: stay safe, seek happiness, show kindness. Happy New Year!

Let's go steady!